Don't let the post date anxiety get to you

Post Date Anxiety: Why Won’t They Call?!

By Simran Mangharam, Co-Founder of Floh.

So, you just had a great first date with someone special – at least, that’s what you thought. What do you do when you’re still waiting for a call or message for that important second date?
Don't let the post date anxiety get to you
You’re all smiles after your first date. After all, there was enough chemistry, you laughed a good deal together and everything was too good to be true. You’re sure they’re going to call you, after all, you had a connection! Of course, then a few days go by and your upbeat mood begins to wane, because there’s been no word at all from your prospective partner. What did you do to turn them off? Did you smell funny? Did you have food in your teeth? Did you say something wrong?

You may be wallowing in self-doubt and misery, but don’t! After all, people get blown off after a first date all the time, and it’s not always because of something you did. Feel free to send them a message to test the waters but if you do not hear back – do not call and text repeatedly, simply to get a response. Instead, it’s best to be prepared so you don’t commit these first date faux pas the next time around!

Get rid of that ego
There’s a thin line between being confident, and being egotistical. So, while it’s good to be sure of yourself, an extra cocky attitude may be turning your date off before you even have a chance to show them who you really are. Don’t try too hard to impress them, opening the conversation with a neutral topic is always good (eg. venue where you are meeting, selection of coffee or desserts they have can always be your back up if nothing else comes to mind). Then let the conversation flow naturally, listen as much as you talk, after all both of you should get to share your thoughts.

Was your date an interview?
Think long and hard about how your date went. While you thought you were giving them the attention they deserve, they may have felt under attack, or as if they’re giving an interview! Take Janhavi Vyas’s dating experience as an example. The design student explains, “I met someone through an online dating portal, and he seemed very nice initially. Our date was going fairly well, but it soon turned into more of an interview. He asked me questions, and I answered – almost all night! Since there was no spark and I felt like I was constantly explaining my life, I couldn’t bring myself to go on another date!”

Are you really that funny?
You crack yourself up – but did you amuse your date, or annoy them? It’s one thing to be a fun, entertaining partner, but another to make a joke every five seconds, laugh about inane things and spend the entire night guffawing at your own jokes. Use humour for sure but appropriately – please.

When your past is not your past
If you did not already know by now, brooding about your ex on a date is definitely not a good way to form a connection. While you are constantly dropping your past relationships into conversations, you can be sure that your date is silently striking you off their list. It’s a good idea not to talk about previous relationships at all on your first date, and get to know each other better instead! Talking about your past relationships on a first date is a sure case of TMI

You did everything perfect… and they still will not call!
Remember that even if you play by the rules and are the perfect date, everyone has their own deal breakers. They may not have felt the same spark that you did, they may be looking for something different… don’t beat yourself up over a date that won’t call you back, because after all, you’re looking for someone who likes you for who you are!

The one cardinal rule to follow here is not to get too needy or clingy immediately after a date. While there’s always room to improve, instead of spending days counting down the hours till you finally score a second date, move on and look for someone who you click with even better!

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